My daughter-in-law messaged me for a large loan to “cover bills”—no details, not the first time. I’d had enough.
I invited her over: “I’ll help, but show me your budget and sign a repayment plan.” She laughed, thinking it was a joke. It wasn’t.
When she realized I was serious, she accused me of distrust. I replied, “I trust your choices—just not with my money without responsibility.” She stormed out. My son later texted, calling it “humiliation.”
Maybe. But my money stayed in my account, and so did my boundaries.
**What to know before giving family money:**
Money experts say: pause before writing the check. Generosity during holidays, weddings, or hard times comes from love, but without a plan, it risks stress, conflict, and your own financial security.
**Key rules:**
– **Protect yourself first:** Can you afford it without hurting your future? Will others expect equal help? Consult a financial advisor.
– **Draw clear lines:** Decide upfront—is it a loan with conditions or a no-strings gift? Skip this, and kindness becomes obligation.
– **Avoid dependence:** Repeated help creates expectations and hinders independence. If it’s one-time, say so clearly. Otherwise, your support may become a crutch they never outgrow.
